Decisions
by xoxoxo
Summary: Two little words and what they can mean. JAM. PostCasino Night. Please R&R. Thanks!


**Disclaimer - Don't own The Office, it's characters or dialogue.**

_A/N: So this is a little different than the last one – but I hope you like it just the same. Silly me thought one story would get these two out of my system.  
_

_Nice try. :p_

**Decisions**

_**I can't**…_

It's not the first time he's heard it. It's like she's been saying that for the last three years. Every time they would stand somewhere together, away from the watchful eye of the office she'd stare at him and silently say…

_**I can't…**_

And he's tired of it. Because it's simply not true. She can do whatever she wants. But maybe that's the point. Maybe what she wants is to say…

_**I can't…**_

He paces the parking lot, trying to make himself climb inside his car and drive home or maybe to that bar where he met that girl a few weeks ago. He knows he has other options. She had pressed herself against him and smiled as she made a big deal about making sure he had her number. He could totally do that, but an image of her fills his mind and he thinks…

_**I can't…**_

He can't because he knows that if he does he'll still be thinking of her. Of the drunken kiss she had given him months ago, of how after she did it was all he could to try and keep his hands off her. Of how when he watched her drive off he almost followed her, wanting to break the speed limit to get to her house before she could get inside. But the night had been so perfect and he knew if he'd done it he would have ruined everything.

He tries to leave but he knows it's futile. He knows he's misinterpreted nothing, he knows Roy's not good enough for her, he knows she's scared out of her mind. He's still trying to decide what to do when he sees her run into the building. He argues with himself to leave her alone. He knows he's just shocked her and that she needs time to think. He tells himself to walk away but a little voice in his head says…

**I can't.**

xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

_**I can't…**_

She's still in a daze. She keeps thinking of the look on his face when she says those words. It's not fair, she knows, to pin it all on him. She's been denying her feelings for so long because they make things messy and she likes them neat and organized. She wants to go home but all she can think is…

_**I can't… **_

Because Roy will be there, or maybe he won't be. He said he was tired but he could easily be out somewhere with Darryl and the guys. And when she sits up waiting for him and he wanders in bleary eyed just as dawn is breaking there will be a voice screaming in her head…

_**I can't…**_

Sometimes she looks at Roy and it's like all the dreams she once had disappear. She knows that once they're married she'll never leave Scranton, never do anything out of the ordinary. And there was a time that she would have been fine with that. But lately she's had a nagging feeling that it's simply not enough for her anymore. He barely makes an effort, he treats her like an accessory most of the time, he thinks nothing of leaving her behind. But he's all she's ever known and the idea of being with someone else makes her think…

_**I can't… **_

She makes her way to the office, she can't find her purse or her cell phone and she's thankful that she knows Michael has stuck a spare key in the potted plant in the corridor. Her hands shake so badly it takes her three times to dial the phone and she's overjoyed when her mom's sleepy voice answers.Her mother listens and prompts even more questions in her mind, because she's had a sinking suspicion something like this would happen. She twists the cord in her fingers and is startled when she hears someone moving towards her. When she sees who it is the voice screams louder…

_**I can't…**_

She's going to tell him just that, again to make sure that this time he hears her. But before she can his arms are around her and his lips are on hers and she can't help herself from sinking into him and pulling him closer. For a second she forgets about anything and everything else that's going on, she forgets how someone like her shouldn't even be in this position, she forgets that her life is supposed to be simple and uncomplicated. But it doesn't last long and though she despises the sound of her own voice she hears herself say…

**I can't.**

xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

_**I can't…**_

He's not surprised to hear it. He had been expecting it all along. But knowing doesn't stop his heart from breaking, not just for himself but for her. Because he can see what the rest of her life will be like if he leaves her here and he just keeps thinking…

_**I can't…**_

He tells her that he doesn't believe her. He wants her to say more than that. He begs her to say she doesn't love him, to tell him she doesn't feel the same way and she looks at him with tears in her eyes and says…

_**I can't…**_

And for the first time in years he can breathe, because now he knows he's not crazy. And a grin fills his face before he can stop it. And suddenly she's in his arms again and her lips are searching for his and he hears her sobbing as she whispers, over and over…

_**I can't…**_

And he knows what she means, and he wishes he had answers because it's going to be messy and it's going to be hard but he won't let her take it back now that she's told him…

_**I can't…**_

His mouth moves close to her ear and he asks her what she wants to do. He tells her that they should probably leave but her legs won't budge and all she can say is…

_**I can't…**_

She is stronger somehow when he gently takes her hand and she manages to follow him out the door and to his car. As they sit out in front of her house she is dying to know what it feels like to be in his arms again but she places her hands on his chest and pushes him away as she says…

_**I can't…**_

She can't. Not here, not when she can see Roy's truck in the driveway, not when she knows she has to go inside and face him. She already feels guilty enough as she makes her way to the door. She quietly makes her way inside and he stirs from the couch and he says that he forgot to tell her that he'd picked the band for the wedding and she just looks at him and starts to cry as she says…

**I can't.**


End file.
